In Search of Shangri-La (part 4)
by Lily Pietryka

Lu Gou Lake - The Muosuo People

In a remote place in Yunnan Province between Lijiang and Dali, there is a place called “Lu Gou Lake.” It is an out-of-this-world beautiful place, but what truly makes it special is that it is one of very few maternal societies left in the modern world.

Lu Gou Lake	Lu Gou Lake 2	Lu Gou Lake 3

Walking Marriage

“Walking marriage” is an important part of the “maternal society.” It is a way for men and women to get together to fulfill their sexual and reproductive needs. However, it is different from the conventional concept of a couple in most modern societies. They do not form or try to form a permanent union where they live together and share social and child-rearing responsibilities. The man goes to the woman’s house at dusk, spends the night and leaves in the morning. It is not a “one night stand,” though--the relationships are usually long-term and exclusive, but without legal, economic or moral bonds. The only thing that keeps a couple together is their feelings for each other. Once the feelings dissipate, the union dissolves with no further obligation to either party.

Childrearing

In Lu Gou Lake, when a woman has a child, the child is raised by her and her family, not her lover. The male role model in the child’s life will be his or her maternal uncles instead of a father. On the other hand, the father is helping his sister raise her kids. In this way, a child is always supported by a strong and stable family, regardless of the status of the relationship between the mother and father.

Family bonds are strong. Since the foundation of the families is not based on often-volatile romantic relationships, it is more stable and sustainable. Infidelity, divorce, alimony and child support are unheard of, and all the unrest that come with them to a family and society are foreign concepts. There is no tension or domestic violence between couples for the same reason. When things do not work out or the feelings are not there any more, the man stops visiting the woman – life goes on.

Since boys are brought up mainly by their maternal grandmother (the head of the household), his mother and his maternal uncle(s), they learn to respect women at a young age. When they grow up and get into a walking marriage, they act with respect towards the women they are with if they do not want to break the union, since it is not permanent and its continuity is contingent upon their acts and behavior.

Since the families are more stable – the society is also more stable as a result. The crime rate is very low. People work hard and have strong family values. They are sincere, respectful and loyal. Children are always cared for and supported, and most of all, people are generally happy.

Muosuo girls		Muosuo family-- grandmother in center

The Ultimate Feminism

I thought of “Women’s Lib” and feminism. We have made some progress in elevating women’s social status and gaining their rights. But women in modern patriarchal societies are still struggling with high demands in both their personal and professional worlds: they can be burdened with sometimes frustrating and/or uncertain male-female relationships exacerbated by the high divorce rate; they require protection by law along with minorities in the workplace; they may suffer from lack of support and security, both emotionally and financially, if rearing a child as a single mother; and often they suffer from their own lack of self-esteem and confidence as the result of the hints they are getting from society--that they are never beautiful enough, thin enough, strong enough, successful enough, or just not enough on their own, without a man...Maybe we can draw some inspiration from this ancient village and culture that is intact and unpolluted by modern thoughts and behavior. Maybe life could truly be this simple?

Here are some pictures of Lu Gou Lake. The scenery is breathtaking. The life is peaceful here. I thought to myself, "Couldn’t this be Shangri-La?"

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